Don't blame Santa...

...this elf was done in by Toni Bava!

Greetings from Xmas

NOVEL IS 82% DONE

[Hazard]

Truth in Advertising

Is it just me, or does this logo look like the electrocardiogram of a massive heart attack? Perhaps brought about by a lifetime of eating junk food....

Greetings from Reno (5)

HAVE SOME ART, WHY DONTCHA?!

Greetings from Reno (4)

THE TRUCKEE RIVER

Greetings from Reno (3)

THE PATIO: BEST KARAOKE IN TOWN!

Greetings from Reno (2)

WEAK LIES AREN'T CHEAP.

Greetings from Reno (1)

VIVA ART DECO!

Half empty?

FACT: The half-marathon is run in honor of PERVIUS, a messenger, who in 34 A.D. was ordered to run 26 miles to deliver news of an important victory. However, he was too weak to complete the mission-- loser that he was-- and died in abject failure, letting everyone down.

NovUp #3

The Author and his New Haircut.

Oh, by the way-- having re-edited Part Two,

the Novel is now 76% done!

Greetings from Petaluma, CA

Our 4th GREAT BIG SEA concert!

PHILLIES WIN GAME 5 (BUT NOT 8-2)

Way to almost give us a heart attack, guys...

but our Phaith is still strong.

Just two wins to go!!

YANKEES LEAD WORLD SERIES, 3-1

JOHNNY DAMON SOLD HIS SOUL,

BUT HE GOT A GOOD PRICE.

YANKEES LEAD WORLD SERIES, 2-1

Think it's appropriate that the first time television video footage was ever used in a World Series for a review, the play involved a ball hitting a television camera.

I'm a good sport, so I'll go ahead and say: Way to go, Alex... 6 HRs this post-season. And you, Pettitte? That was Playoff Win Number 553 or so, yes? Sheesh.

Werth has joined Utley as the 2nd Phillie this Series to have a multi-HR game...

  in Game 4, look for some fireworks from Howard & Rollins. Phillies are gonna win Sunday night, by three runs (though it might be tied thru six... that's called dramma)

WORLD SERIES EVEN AT 1-1

Awesome games so far, but both teams have gotta wonder...

PHILLIES: That's twice now in the post-season wherein a brilliant performance by Pedro has been wasted because Philadelphia bats went to sleep.

YANKEES: Though he was amazing against Minn & LAA, Alex is now 0-for-8 in the World Series. Is that the Mariners and Rangers I hear chuckling?

GAME 3 PREDICTIONS: I have no goddamned idea... that's what makes this Series so great!!

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 8

PHILLIES TAKE GAME ONE!!

THINK LEE & UTLEY ARE HAPPY TO SHARE

MVP HONORS

...C'MON, YANKS:

LET'S MAKE IT A SERIES, HUH?

[succulence]

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 7

Good job, Yanks... PENNANT NUMBER 40

A bit of history, brought to you by Frozen Fountains:

>> The New York [Giants] and Philadelphia [Athletics]

       met three times in the World Series

         ...in 1905, 1911 & 1913

>> The Yankees swept the Phillies

         ...to win the 1950 World Series

And now, the prediction you've been waiting for:

THE 2009 WORLD SERIES WILL GO 

SEVEN GAMES,

AND THE WINNER WILL BE THE((admin error reboot sys))

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 6

If there's any team that can choke in the Playoffs, it's the post-2001 Yankees... the Angels are a decent team, but this year's ALCS has nothing to do with a rally monkey or armadillo or any other creature. Thanks to NY's 2004 world headlines-making meltdown, people are already talking about the Game 7 matchup!! Not to contradict my earlier cynicism, but shouldn't we tackle Game 6 first?! Well, blah. It's nap time for us Phillies fans until next week.

BY THE WAY: Frozen Fountains has gone from Autobiography to Cartoons to Baseball... come November 2009, the latest theme will be UPDATES ABOUT MY FIRST NOVEL.

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 5

BACK-TO-BACK WORLD SERIES

FOR THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES!!

2009 PLAYOFFS [INTERLUDE]

Cheers fading, or tears drying, the only thing to ponder until tomorrow is why the two series

aren't 4-0, 4-0 instead of 3-1, 3-1.

My parents are in town, and while watching a player in the on deck circle with a big white weight on the barrel of his bat (that looked to be made of a sort of dense marshmallow) my Mom observed that, unlike a corked bat (cheating that's not readily visible), this guy was going to step into the batter's box and use the tubular object as a bunting aid. Even 101mph heat would thud dully, and send the ball a few paltry feet back toward the pitcher, moving along any baserunner with a decent lead. Can't you just see the manager of the fielding team rushing out to argue? The Ump might reply:

"Well, it's not like the batter was hiding his marshmallow thing..."

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 4

Glad to live on the West Coast, because it'd be a little hard to start writing a post at 1:10am; as opposed to being in New York, say, where ALCS Game 2 has just gone final. When it was 2-2 in the 7th, I told Havala: "Yanks are either going to win via a home run in the bottom of the 9th, or the Angels will win it in 11." With the Halos up 3-2 in the top of the 11th, I was feeling quite smug... but then Alex hits one out to tie! Classic stuff. Game 1 was kind of business-as-usual for the Bombers... let's move on to the NLCS.

My Game 1 prediction-- ask Chris, he can verify-- was 9-7, Phillies. They beat the Dodgers, all right, by a score of 8-6. Not bad, huh? Never mind what I thought would happen in Game 2. Damned bullpen. I can only imagine the ulcers in Fish Town. Game 3 (if it's not rained out) should be close. Look for more clutch offense from the usual suspects in red & blue, and at least five strong from Mr. Lee.

PHILS TAKE IT, 6-2.

...And yes, I'm aware that's a picture of AT&T Park at the top of this post. After all, I was the photographer!

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 3

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES

ON REACHING THE NLCS TWO SEASONS IN A ROW!!

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 2

Ya blink, and three fucking teams are eliminated?! Nothing like trying to keep a blog up to date to make a guy demand Best-of-7's for all three stages. Hard to feel bad for the Red Sox or Cards (both with very recent titles) ...but it's a shame about the Twins. Now what am I supposed to do-- root for the Angels? I'd say this whole post-season was a complete puke fest, but as I type: PHILLIES SCORE 2 TO TIE THE ROCKIES!!!!

This one's great... Game 4 is gonna be even better.

BREAKING NEWS: PHILLIES GO UP 4-3!!!!

How's that for a current post?

2009 PLAYOFFS - VOLUME 1

What's this? The Post-Season Train has left the station! And it sure as hell looks as though the Cardinals missed their connection. Told ya not to bet against Joe Torre. The other NL series is, in my opinion, the most interesting so far... the Phillies play in Denver on Saturday, and the latest forecast calls for snow. PHI will start Pedro! Can't wait to see him strike out Tulowitzki. In the AL, I think everyone's still a little stunned that the Red Sox were blanked... look for them to put 11 or 12 runs on the board in Game 2. And finally: Yankees / Twins.

We'll see ya at Target Field in 2010, guys... NY will sweep.

POST-SEASON PREVIEW!!!

Three exclamation points, so we must be getting serious...

Here are some quick notes about the first four series:

CARDINALS / DODGERS -- Ah, St. Louis. Been to your airport once. Think your big Arch would make a great hoop for bubble soap. But seriously, this is the club whose AAA team, the Memphis Redbirds, just prevented my beloved SACRAMENTO RIVERCATS from winning a 3rd consecutive Pacific Coast League title. And who's this 'Pujols' character everyone keeps talking about? Cards should sweep, but if you're wondering: no, I would not wager hard-earned money against a Joe Torre team in October. He'll wring greatness out of ass-head Manny like Phil Jackson has out of fellow ass-head Kobe Bryant.

PHILLIES / ROCKIES -- Please. The Liberty Bells haven't chosen their Game 1 starter yet, so I don't want to jinx anything; in general, don't think there's much chance of another Colorado vs. Boston World Series.

RED SOX / ANGELS -- Speaking of the 2004, 2007 [& many before our time] Champs... only in the AL East could a team this impressive finish 8 games back. This series should go the full five games (Los Angeles de Los Angeles have some powerful hitters, for sure), but ultimately, they're facing boys who really, really know how to win. Boston wins, 3-2, which only moves them out of the frying pan...

YANKEES / TWINS or TIGERS -- Yay, tiebreaker! A Game 163 to decide, once and for all, which AL Central team will be beaten by 20+ total runs over the course of three ugly games.

HOW ACCURATE WERE MY MARCH PREDICTIONS?

Eric's Major League Numerical Stat Predictions, 

March 2009, versus Reality--

NUMBER OF REGULAR SEASON GIANTS WINS

PREDICTION: 82

REALITY: 88

DEGREE OF ACCURACY: 93.2%

NUMBER OF 20-GAME WINNING PITCHERS

PREDICTION: ZERO

REALITY: ZERO

DEGREE OF ACCURACY: Exactly right!

NUMBER OF 100-OR-MORE GAME WINNING TEAMS

PREDICTION: ZERO

REALITY: ONE (YANKEES FINISHED 103-59)

DEGREE OF ACCURACY: Wrong!

HOME RUN TOTAL BY MAJORS-LEADER

PREDICTION: 60

REALITY: 47 (ALBERT PUJOLS)

DEGREE OF ACCURACY: 78.3%

Way to go, me.

John Prine, ladies and gentlemen.

October 2009, San Francisco, CA

No more Splash Hits until 2010

Very last ball game I attended this year-- Giants top the Snakes 7-3 in SF. Just inside the gates, a man was hawking programs. Everyone says that newspapers are doomed because of the internet... why hasn't anyone mentioned how absurd it is to purchase day or two old hard copies of stats that are updated in real time on the scoreboard, or everyone's damned phone? Because it's nice to hear some old guy yelling "Getcher programs!" that's why-- like it will always be nicer to hold a book than an 'electronic reader.' Besides, fans of Rich Aurelia can take away a souvenir that doesn't include his 0 for 4 finale.
  The win was the Giants' 86th of the season, that means it was the highest NL team win number I ever saw in-person (back in Seattle, have watched a victory Number 100+ by both the M's and perhaps the A's, which seems like ancient history now.)
  Lincecum was lights-out as usual... 15th win of the season; 8 innings, 100 pitches, 7 K's. Didn't give up his first hit until the FIFTH.
  Something I've never seen before: in the 4th, the Diamondbacks held an extended meeting at the mound, though there was no apparent injury or pitching change. The ump walked out to break it up, and on the way back was talking to the Diamondbacks' manager, who either didn't like the strike zone and/or had some choice things to say about the ump's mother. He was tossed, and when the bench coach came out, he was tossed too! The whole delay took about ten minutes, and it began as an attempt to speed up the game. Have never seen two coaches tossed in a situation that didn't involve a call.
  Last, and perhaps least: the Giants Faithful were treated to our local Fall Sideshow-- trotting out the novelty of a post-injury, elderly Randy Johnson for a non-save relief appearance. Throws a dozen pitches, gave a up a hit, got his pop-ups. Yawn.

SEE YOU IN APRIL, GUYS. PLEASE GIVE TIM AND PABLO LOTS OF MONEY.
OH... AND MAYBE REPLACE ZITO AND THE TWO RANDY'S.
AND... AH, NEVER MIND. LET'S JUST START WITH BACK-TO-BACK WINNING SEASONS. THAT'D BE NICE!

A no way TM

You were warned, suckers!

Seventh-Inning Stretch

Okay, more like 'Top of the 9th'-- couldn't wait until after the Oct 1 Giants game I'll be attending to next write about the regular season. First off, I'd better get cracking and shoot a new photograph to accompany the Playoff Posts... yes, the glove & ball laying in the grass was taken by yours truly (in Sutro Heights Park)... it just looked like a stock photo. Also, I listened to last night's Giants-Cubs game... 2-1 lead in the 9th, and we end up losing 3-2. Rockies lost too, though (5-4 vs. Padres), so there's still that 1% chance of an SF Wild Card berth already written off by this blog long, long ago. Congrats to NY, Boston, Anaheim, Cards, Phils and-- regrettably-- the Dodgers. Still rooting for the Twins, but time's running out....
  The POINT of this post, however, is to share a transcribed quote I ran across last night. It's something former Giants broadcaster Joe Morgan said in 2006. Remember him? This moron was so universally loathed that there was an entire website devoted to discussing his foibles, gaffs, ticks; not to mention calls for his ousting. I found him annoying, too, but kept an ear tuned: you never know when even the inane might unintentionally drop a zen koan worthy of the Hall of Yogi. Here's what Joe Morgan said of a player at the plate (resulting in stunned silence from his co-worker in the booth, and probably everyone who was listening to KNBR at the time):


"Statistically, he's a better player than the statistics show."

[Inevitability]

GEOLOGISTS ARE CONCERNED

AFGHANISTAN IS BECOMING

ANOTHER VIETNAM

2009 Regular Season, Gemini Edition

PREFACE: Having never blogged until this year (about baseball, or anything else) I've had to learn as I go. Of sporting posts, per se, I'm discovering it's pretty damned hard to stay on top of things without a TV. Haven't owned one since 2005. Bottom line-- bear with me if my offerings seem scattershot, or possess sub-Twitter immediacy.

  Last Friday, a friend of ours was treated to a going [to Minnesota] -away party. Got me thinking about my trip to the Twin Cities in 1991, wherein the wind between the downtown skyscrapers blew a Twins schedule against my pantleg (true story); I picked it up (it was June or July) and told my dad, "This is an omen... THE TWINS SHALL WIN THE WORLD SERIES THIS YEAR!" Don't know if I actually used shall, but the rest is history.

  Over the weekend, watching Joe Torre, Mr. Dreads & You-Say-Ether/Either-Way destroy my Giants, I noticed that the Twinkies were down 2-1 in the 8th. Against ALC division leader Detroit. Unfortunate... I always root for Minn. But what is this?! Twins go on to beat the Tigers, 6-2! As of today, Monday, Twins are roughly three games back, and have to win outright to gain the playoffs. This is because Boston owns the Wild Card, as they tend to do quite often, and brings us nicely to a final thought:

  It was my old friend Chris-- or perhaps his father, Delmas-- both from Texas, who used to always say the Rangers never made the playoffs because by mid-August, and throughout Sept, it's just too fucking hot to play ball in Arlington.

  Funny... on August 1st of this season, it looked like the Rangers were going to win more games than the Red Sox, or even the Angels....

  A final, final thought: Go Twins... sorry to've beaten up on Joe Mauer all year, but someone had to. And it wasn't until July or something that I realized one of my favs, Orlando Cabrera, is now a Twin. Allow me to state this: IF THE TWINS WIN THE CENTRAL, THEY WILL WIN THE 2009 WORLD SERIES.

  You know... unless the PHILLIES or YANKEES win it first.

Third in a series...

Begging to differ, I submitted my retort in a most graphic manner.

Two Rants for the Price of None

A pair of 'types' are emerging here in the City; since I've now heard/seen three examples of each, I thought I'd share a rhetorical thought, followed by some speculation you're all welcome to help me with. Get ready for 'blogging' at its bloggiest!

Case #1: The person [demographically: always Female, in their 50s] who shouts "Thank you, DRIVER!" when getting off the bus. Now, I have no issue with extending the courtesy of a thanks... I do it myself when dropped off in the foggy Hinterlands or the driver is this one really nice black woman I like. But I ask: Why do these people add "driver" ??  You're calling "Thank you" towards the front of the bus... pretty sure the drivers can figure out it is they who are being addressed. Maybe these women just want to make sure the other passengers know that they aren't the ones being collectively thanked-- for providing in-transit companionship, say.

Case #2: The person [demographically: Asian Females, under 40; White Males, over 60] who wears a surgical mask in public, but has it DANGLING UNDER THEIR CHIN, AT THEIR THROAT. I have no qualms with geniuses who've figured out how to thwart swine flu... properly-worn masks are no more or less annoying than T-shirts printed to portray the wearer as having taken the radical, brave stance that they're opposed to cancer or AIDS. But why, I ask, would you strap a surgical mask around your ears in public-- out there amongst the unwashed masses-- and not have it cover your nose and mouth? Can only think of two reasons... again, let me know if there are any more.

  REASON ONE: They're concerned an acquaintance they're due to meet with won't recognize them.  Here I am, Steve! Thank god this surgical mask wasn't obscuring my facial features... you would've walked right by me!

  REASON TWO: They only pull the mask back up into place when needed. Remarkably, they can see those pesky germs and microbes and viruses from a block away! Uh-oh... cloud of H1N1, dead ahead. MASK ON!!  Uh-oh... that guy's about to cough. MASK ON!! Going into Macy's... think I'll wait and see...

  Don't want to put my mask on prematurely.

Greetings from 10,000ft above sea level

2009 Regular Season, vol. 6

Today's topic is a fav among barstool philosophers: WHAT BASEBALL RULE WOULD YOU CHANGE? This season already saw the introduction of a big one, that whole "was it a home run or wasn't it" instant replay jazz, which has been well-received for the most part.

  Here's my gripe, and it concerns official scoring: WHEN A BATTER BATS-IN A RUN, YET SIMULANTANEOUSLY HITS INTO A DOUBLE PLAY, HE IS NOT CREDITED WITH AN RBI. This is, pardon my Norwegian, fucking ridiculous. I have two main arguments for my stance, the first of which is He batted in a run. Period.

  The second comes as an analogy, and I hope I don't get to long-winded. Here goes:

  Driving in a run is good. It helps your team. Fine.

  Hitting into a double-play is bad. It does not help your team. Also fine.

  But the no-RBI-awarded rule implies that, every time, the two potential runs on-/about to become on-base are more valuable than the one run that scored. Interesting. Well, let's supposed you're in a 0-0 game, 5th inning. Runners on first and third, no outs. Your ground ball brings the man home from third, but you've hit into a double play. Now there's 2 outs, but your team leads 1-0. The batter behind you flies out... we move onto the 6th.

  No more runs are scored in the game. Your team has won, 1-0, thanks to your GAME-WINNING AT-BAT. Thanks to your not striking out, or leaving a bunt right in front of the plate, the WINNING RUN WAS ABLE TO COME IN. And this heroic feat is not counted amongst the positive offensive tally on the ol' Topps card?! Outrageous!

  That's about all for today... Joe Mauer's still on another planet with a .366 BA-- a planet where you apparently only need to average 113 gms/season played over the course of your career to lead such a sacred "full season" category. Ouch... cynical today!

  NL Wild Card: Rockies can drop 2 of 3 at AT&T Park this week and still maintain a comfy lead... no, there's not much hope left in Giants Nation. However, I'm buying tickets for one more game this year: Diamondbacks on October 1st.

  Inspired by political factchecking websites, my first post of the postseason will be a comparison of my March predictions with [cue thunder] reality.

More fly-by-night blogging...

[Scale]

What is this? 

It's our recent 54-mile hike in Yosemite...

stretched into a straight line...

superimposed over the state of Rhode Island.

2009 Regular Season, vol. 5

Back from vacation... didja miss me? First off, a big HELLO to Howard at GB (a man who knows his stuff, despite slightly underestimating the Phils.)

  Let's stick with the NL... how 'bout them Cards? Damn. The other teams in the Central must be feeling like the Braves' co-East-ers during that span where they [Atlanta] won the division like 77 years in a row. Which, it might be noted, also happens to be exactly half the age of their manager.

  Ahem.

  Back to StL: In addition to a grotesque lead, players in red hats (or navy... I forget, this is the era of cap-riciousness) boast Majors-bests in HRs, Wins & ERA. Hell, Wainwright nearly takes care of those last two all by himself (18 / 2.59). Fantasy team? I'd rather have him on my Reality Team. Oh... that's the Cardinals this year. Guess it's going to be a great NLCS, huh?

  Watched the Red Sox beat Baltimore last night... thought Boston had some stellar pitching moments, but if it takes 15 hits and 7 runs to beat the Orioles... at Fenway... during a dead-heat Wild Card race.... Too late for the White Sox to sneak in there?

  Finally: CONGRATULATIONS TO DEREK JETER. A great player, a great Yankee.

  And don't forget: his turn on Saturday Night Live is still one of the funniest hosting gigs of the decade.

[Apathetic]

Another for your perverse viewing pleasure...

It's a miracle!

As if you weren't already overwhelmed and awe-inspired enough by the CARTOONS and BASEBALL ESSAYS, here's a new series of actual signs I've stumbled across. This one's from a bus stop on Geary Blvd.

Havala at Bodega Head

2009 Regular Season, vol. 4

Since Bertrand the Beagle was kind enough to model a fitted Las Vegas 51's cap for us, let's start today's rambling with a glance at the Pacific Coast League. The modern-day PCL can be summed up by the phrase (and rumored Brad Pitt film) "Moneyball"-- Oakland's AAA affiliate, the SACRAMENTO RIVERCATS, are 80-49, enroute to their THIRD Championship IN A ROW. We watched them beat the abovementioned Aliens in Sacramento in May. Big League stuff, as they say.

  Up to the MLB: Mentioned pitching in Volume 3... I'd thought the topic would revolve around the 1-2-3 Giants punch of Lincecum, Cain & Johnson, but the lattermost is on the 60-DDL, and the healthy two have the misfortune to play for a team that (like last night) can be up 4-1 in the 14th and LOSE... on a goddamn grand slam. In goddamn Denver. Whoa, Eric! Stay focused!

  This last weekend, we listened to the Red Sox / Yanks on ESPN Radio... Sabathia beat Beckett to 15 wins... CC's season-best is 19. Good luck, you big, huge badass. Still weird to see him in anything but an Indians uniform... of course, you CAN'T see that on the radio. Hey-- a closer gonna win the Cy Young again anytime soon? Such an underappreciated role....

  Okay. I'm going to be out of town for much of early September, but there should be at least two more baseball posts before the Playoffs.

2009 WORLD SERIES PREDICTION: Phillies over the Yankees, in 6 games.

Kind of a pore choice.

MARVIN DIDN'T MIND WORKING AT A SWEAT SHOP.

[Airmail]

Just received a postcard from my friend Eva in Denmark.

  Am presently trying to figure out if the stamps are

  "lickers"  or  "stickers" ...

2009 Regular Season, vol. 3

I was in a pub in the Haight last week and noticed that, of 6 flatscreens, there were FOUR DIFFERENT BASEBALL GAMES ON AT ONCE. Great for someone like me, who doesn't own a TV. Well, I went back there the other day (to look for some American League action) and the screens were playing, from left to right: SOFTBALL, GOLF, TENNIS, GOLF, SOCCER and "NO SIGNAL".  Ouch.  But you didn't join the blog-o-sphere to read complaints (or, hopefully, to look at cat photos.)

  Here's a thought, before I leave you with my updated Top 8 Champion Odds... it's looking more and more like there will be at least two players with 140+ RBI this season. When's the last time that happened?!

  Okay, here are my Most Likely Suspects, 2009 World Champs-wise:

PHILLIES: [EVEN]

YANKEES: [EVEN]

RED SOX: 3 to 1

ANGELS: 4 to 1

MARLINS: 5 to 1

DODGERS: 7 to 1

CARDINALS: 10 to 1

WHITE SOX: 20 to 1

Your team not on the list? See ya in 2010, suckers.

COMING SOON: A look at the PCL, or maybe something about pitchers.